Yesterday I was able to finish my support letter for the trip. I am mailing a few of them out today, but I still need alot of addresses before I can send the majority of them out.
In the past 24 hours God has pushed me foward into some situations that have been uncomfortable for me. I have walked into them, like walking into the light, and I am glad that I did. It seems like the hardest people to love are the people who you love the most. That doesn't make sense, but somehow it does. People who are very close to you and who you have an in depth, serious relationship with; people who you have known for a long time; people like your family and your best friend-- these are people who you have to work so hard to keep a healthy relationship with. It's really easy to sit down with a stranger and care for them, buy them lunch, and spend an afternoon with them. It's alot harder to exist with someone very close to you in a way that is always moving foward. It's harder because it is the real deal, it's not this switch that you can turn on and off. Living with someone is the best way to get to know them. Spending alot of time with someone, seeing them at their best and their worst, being completely honest and smoothing through bumps in the relationship is hard. And I have realized that it is almost impossible without God doing it-- without Him restoring the relationship and renewing it daily. It calls for a daily effort of us seeking God.
When relationships are centered around Christ they will not stand if Christ is not persued first and most. It may appear "hardcore" on the outside to go to Africa and love on people in a foreign land in less than comfortable living conditions, but it is harder to love the people closest to me who I exist with daily than to love these temporary others who will fade into my life and then out.
Yesterday God pushed me to restore a relationship that I had been ignoring and neglecting, and it was one of the hardest things I have had to do in a while. I had to be honest and volnerable and spill my heart out with a trust that God would take control of the relationship. I had to risk rejection and hurt and anger. But the funniest thing to me is that doing that, listening to God and following Him when He told me to stop hiding from this distant relationship was so incredibly hard. I would have been so much more comfortable loving on a stranger. This doesn't seem like it should be like that on the outside, but it is like that on the inside. It's very ironic to me.
It's so easy for people to be temporary and to turn their attitudes on and off, but it's not about that. The status of our hearts is where Truth lies, and existing with someone for years, loving someone for a long time and commiting to someone for the rest of your life--to be their friend and to never give up on them--that is where the real stuff lies. It's so easy to run away to temporary "loves" just to justify or prove to yourself that you are doing everything right.
God keeps pushing me to be uncomfortable so that these barriers can be broken through, and I'm thankful for that.
It's just funny how I don't have a problem with going on these extreme missions for God but I have huge issues following God in ways that should seem to come so naturally and so simply.
But He keeps working.
In the past 24 hours God has pushed me foward into some situations that have been uncomfortable for me. I have walked into them, like walking into the light, and I am glad that I did. It seems like the hardest people to love are the people who you love the most. That doesn't make sense, but somehow it does. People who are very close to you and who you have an in depth, serious relationship with; people who you have known for a long time; people like your family and your best friend-- these are people who you have to work so hard to keep a healthy relationship with. It's really easy to sit down with a stranger and care for them, buy them lunch, and spend an afternoon with them. It's alot harder to exist with someone very close to you in a way that is always moving foward. It's harder because it is the real deal, it's not this switch that you can turn on and off. Living with someone is the best way to get to know them. Spending alot of time with someone, seeing them at their best and their worst, being completely honest and smoothing through bumps in the relationship is hard. And I have realized that it is almost impossible without God doing it-- without Him restoring the relationship and renewing it daily. It calls for a daily effort of us seeking God.
When relationships are centered around Christ they will not stand if Christ is not persued first and most. It may appear "hardcore" on the outside to go to Africa and love on people in a foreign land in less than comfortable living conditions, but it is harder to love the people closest to me who I exist with daily than to love these temporary others who will fade into my life and then out.
Yesterday God pushed me to restore a relationship that I had been ignoring and neglecting, and it was one of the hardest things I have had to do in a while. I had to be honest and volnerable and spill my heart out with a trust that God would take control of the relationship. I had to risk rejection and hurt and anger. But the funniest thing to me is that doing that, listening to God and following Him when He told me to stop hiding from this distant relationship was so incredibly hard. I would have been so much more comfortable loving on a stranger. This doesn't seem like it should be like that on the outside, but it is like that on the inside. It's very ironic to me.
It's so easy for people to be temporary and to turn their attitudes on and off, but it's not about that. The status of our hearts is where Truth lies, and existing with someone for years, loving someone for a long time and commiting to someone for the rest of your life--to be their friend and to never give up on them--that is where the real stuff lies. It's so easy to run away to temporary "loves" just to justify or prove to yourself that you are doing everything right.
God keeps pushing me to be uncomfortable so that these barriers can be broken through, and I'm thankful for that.
It's just funny how I don't have a problem with going on these extreme missions for God but I have huge issues following God in ways that should seem to come so naturally and so simply.
But He keeps working.
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1 comment:
Hailey, as I read this blog I have to keep reminding myself that this my little Hailey...grown up and going to Africa for Jesus!!! I am so amazed at what God is doing in your life and so thrilled and grateful that you are being obedient to His call. Grandaddy and I are going to help you as much as we can as you make your preparations. Of course, God will hear a very familiar prayer from me...."please bless Hailey, use her for your glory, and bring her back safely to us." I love you. Nanny
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